


Achilles, Come Down

by KeiIsNotDead



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Antarctic Empire, Big Brother Technoblade, Blood, Dadza, Dave | Technoblade and Wilbur Soot and TommyInnit are Siblings, Dead Wilbur Soot, Drowning, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Repressed, Exiled Tommyinnit, Fire, Gen, I suppose, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Kinda?, Nightmares, OH WE ALL LOVE THAT DON'T WE, Panic Attacks, Philza being a dad, Realistic Minecraft, Swearing, THIS IS A HYBRID PGLIN TECHNO Y'ALL, Tommy has PTSD, Tommy is emotionally fucked up, Villain Technoblade, Villain Tommyinnit, Villaininnit because we deserve it, Winged Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), but it's not his fault, clingy duo angst, dream is a dick here, half-piglin Technoblade, he has pink skin an the pointy ears and the FaNgS, i dom't know how to tag, i don't think will reach the fluff but we WILL have soft moments between Techno and Tommy, i gues??????, is wilur's, it's tommy ofc he's swearing, like i said Tommy is emotionally fucked up, mmmmmmm i don't like that, no beta read we die like unpreapared people, permadeath glitches are also a thing :), respawn points are a thing, respawning is a really painful process btw, sapnap not that much, there will be blood - Freeform, this is kinda base on Achilles Come Down by gang of youths, updating tags as i go i think, what else??????, yasssssss i live for hybrid techno
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:15:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27875938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KeiIsNotDead/pseuds/KeiIsNotDead
Summary: Tommy didn't mean for it to happen this way. He really didn't mean to get so mad at his friends. He didn't want to be exiled.Too bad L'Manburg doesn't care about what he wants.
Relationships: Dave | Technoblade & Phil Watson, Dave | Technoblade & TommyInnit, None, Ranboo & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), don't ship irl people
Comments: 50
Kudos: 748





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i don't know how the make summaries  
> Hallo yes his, how are y'all? i made this fic after i posted about tommy being exiled even after all he's sacrificed on tumblr.  
> Please bear in mind this is my first fic in this fandom and english isn't my first language :)  
> Don't know how frequent updates will be but i'll try.  
> Anyways, enjoy the fic byeeeeeeeee

Tommy feels the cold on his skin as he looks to the white on the landscape. 

When he became vice-president, he wouldn't have thought it would end like this, he thought it would end with him besides Tubbo, gazing at their home, smiles on their faces, knowing they had everything they wanted, everything they needed, knowing everyone and everything was safe. 

( _Tommy remembers everything. He remembers Sapnap calling him for help. He remembers the God of Chaos taking away his discs. He remembers his brother, trying to start a nation. He remembers that same brother destroying that nation. He remembers the cold nights, trapped in walls of stone, he remembers the hope he had back then, the hope that maybe Wilbur wasn’t too far gone, now they had help. He remembers Tubbo and the soft moments, listening to Blocks while watching the sunset, knowing it would always be just the two of them, together. He remembers the cold metal of prison bars on his hands, screams on a courtroom, while they discuss his punishment. He remembers the despair he felt, founding out probation wasn't enough. He remembers blue stone-cold eyes, he remembers thinking they didn't look right on the face of his best friend, usually filled with joy and warmth, telling him to 'shut up', explaining he couldn't be part of L'Manburg any more. It was too much of a risk now._

_It hurts to remember.)_

He's used to so much color, the different tones of wood of the new houses, the pristine white combined with the purple of the church, the red and yellow and blue of his flag. It feels strange watching the horizon and the endless mountains covered in only white, little specks of brown here and there, _villager's houses,_ he assumes. 

He tightens his hold on the straps of his bag, filled with whatever he had time to pack, before they started chasing him with loaded crossbows, unsheathed swords and glowing netherite armor. He starts walking forward, climbing down the little hill, trying to reach one of the wood houses. 

His legs ache from all the running and his arms are tired after rowing the boat _(his heart hurts),_ his plan is to talk to the villagers in hope of letting him stay the night on one of the houses, so he can continue moving forward tomorrow. 

Tommy stops dead on his track when he spots pink on the edge of his vision, standing next to a farmer, he feels fear and dread climbing up to his chest and _squeezing_ , he isn't strong enough to stop the memories of broken hope and shattered dreams. And he feels the need to _go, run away_ , because pink means fire and ashes, pink means legendary monsters of chaos and destruction, pink means _danger_. 

_(Tommy ignores the part of his brain that reminds him, a long time ago, pink meant warm, pink meant mock duels in a garden, pink meant sarcastic comments and insults without bite, pink meant safe.)_

He takes a step back in panic, forgetting the snow under his feet is at least a couple centimeters thick, and that he had to be careful where and how he stepped, only remembering when his back hits the ground in a moment of unbalanced posture, hearing the things on his bag clatter and seeing red eyes glance his way in surprise at the sound. 

"Tommy?" he watches as Techno starts moving his way, his axe is on his hand, but fortunately, Techno is not pointing it at him. 

"T-Technoblade" Tommy says, cursing himself after hearing the sutter and the fragil tone, _he's supposed to be fearless and brave goddammit._

"What are you doing here?," he narrows his eyes, the younger boy realises he's scanning his body, probably looking for weapons on him, he stands up from the cold floor, feeling unnerved at the gaze following his every movement. "you know this isn't L'Manburg right?"

"Of course I know that" he snaps, the familiar feeling of melancholy and a distant happiness, mixed with the usual exasperation and annoyance that comes with talking to Technoblade settles on his chest, and he hates himself for remembering happy times with him, _Technoblade betrayed you, he killed Tubbo, you should be running away right now,_ his brain reminds him. "Why I'm here is none of your business, just leave me alone"

"It's my business if you're in my land Tommy," the blonde can sense the quick anger flaring on the others voice, he squashes down the feeling of fear on him that comes with it, it does nothing as he sees Techno raise his axe and point it at his neck "so I'll ask again, why are you here?" his voice carries a finality that Tommy knows, means if he doesn't answer right now, he's gonna have a decapitated head and a prayer that his respawn point is somewhere safe and very, _very_ far away from here. 

"I didn't know you were here, I was just looking for somewhere to spend the night, I'll be gone tomorrow morning" he's quick to explain, he knows exactly what Technoblade is going to ask next. It doesn't stop the feeling of sadness and panic when he asks anyway. 

"Why didn't you spend the night at L'Manburg? or your other houses for that matter"

"I'm not-" he takes a deep breath, questioning if to tell him the truth or not, then he remembers he's not a very good liar and Techno still has an axe to his throat. "I'm not welcome in L'Manburg or the DreamSMP anymore, they've exiled me"

He thinks he can see curiosity and then anger on the pink one's eyes, but they're gone before he can be sure. 

“But you’re the vice-president”

“Not anymore” Tommy says, a bitter smile growing on his face, even while answering the unspoken question, the younger boy had the feeling that Techno already knew what was happening.

Seemingly satisfied with his answer, Technoblade lowered his axe and turned away, slowly walking towards a house, bigger than any other village house Tommy has seen, _Techno's house_ , he assumes, it sits quietly a little far off the village. Tommy stood there, watching Techno leave, only moving when the pink hair man turned again to look at him, annoyance on his eyes. Tommy understood he was supposed to follow him. 

The walk to the wooden house was silent, the brunette could feel the tension in the air, he was trying to not look at Techno, eyes forcefully trained ahead, shaking hands clench hard on the bag’s straps, his shoulders were tense. If the older boy noticed the nervousness and tension on the other, he said nothing about it.

When they reached the house, the silence sat heavy on Tommy’s shoulders, he felt as if he should say something, _but what? What can you say to_ _your brother_ _the person who betrayed you and killed your friends and destroyed your country?,_ he thought.

Technoblade led him to the second floor of the house and showed him a tiny room at the end of the hallway. a simple white bed with a nightstand and a lamp next to it on the far end of the room, it had one window on the right wall where you could only see snowy mountains and the sun going down the horizon.

“You can stay here tonight, I’ll call you for dinner in a moment”

“You don’t have to-” Tommy started while he turned to see Techno, but he was already climbing down the stairs. Sighing, Tommy goes to sit down on the edge of the bed, leaving his bag on the floor by the door.

He didn’t let himself think when he was escaping from L’Manburg, or when he was rowing in a boat in a seemingly endless ocean. He focused himself in having a plan, _get the fuck away from here and find a place to live very far away._ It really wasn’t much of a plan, but again, Tommy wasn’t known because of his plan-making abilities. He didn’t have an option now, so he took a deep breath while remembering the events of the last hours. It really wasn’t his fault, he just wanted to have fun, it had been _so long_ since he could just do whatever he wanted. He wasn’t expecting his little prank to blow up in his face so badly.

He really doesn’t blame Tubbo, he did what he had to do, he put the needs of his country over his best friend, he knows Tubbo didn’t want to exile him, he knows it was either that or L’Manburg was gonna disappear and they couldn’t afford that again. He didn’t mean to get mad at Tubbo either. But he remembers their fight and Tubbo’s words hurted, they still do, so he can’t really stop the anger growing on him, even if he knows that he could never _really_ hate Tubbo. He can’t really stop the need to shout at the L’Manburg Cabinet, make them understand, because Tommy knows he’s not selfish or self-centred, yeah he’s a little proud, and yeah maybe he is a bit narcissist, but selfish? The anger only grows at the thought.

_How dare they? He gave up everything for that country, he has died more times than he can remember to be able to even build that place, he sacrificed everything to make it a home, and they dare call him selfish?_

His fists clenched on the mattress as the thought comes to him, he frowns and takes a shaky breath, Tommy doesn’t like being mad at his friends. Can he keep calling them friends though? Do they think of him as a friend now? He keeps thinking about what he did, trying to find where it went so wrong, his eyes are trained on the wall, contemplating a memory only visible to him.

He almost falls down the bed when a series of knocks jolts him out of his thoughts. On the doorway stands Technoblade, he’s looking at him with the same neutral face he had the first time he dragged him to the SMP, the same face he has every day, really.

“I was calling you and you didn’t answer'' Tommy can see Techno wants to ask something, if the hesitation and the open mouth means anything, before choosing against it “Dinner’s ready” is all he ended up saying before turning and going downstairs again, this time being followed by Tommy. When they reached downstairs, the younger boy almost wanted to laugh at the food on the table in the center of the room, _of course it’s potatoes, what was I expecting?,_ he can’t help thinking, fighting down the little smile growing on his face.

They both sat on the table and started eating in silence. Tommy could feel the tension on the air, but he couldn’t be bothered about it. His mind was still focused on Tubbo and L’Manburg. He could feel Technoblade’s eyes on him, it unnerved him a little honestly. He was praying for Technoblade to not ask any more questions. He knows that praying is gonna do nothing. So when they both finished eating, he's not surprised to hear Technoblade speak. 

"So, are you gonna tell me what happened?"

"Why do you care?" Tommy can't help but snap, he's still annoyed, if it's by Technoblade or by his memories, he couldn't be sure. 

"I don't, but I am a little curious as to how you got exiled"

Tommy scowls, he forgot how blunt Techno can be. However, he tell him everything, how he thought it could be like before and he could do whatever he wanted, so he made a little prank to his old friend GeorgeNotFound, a little prank that got him into a courtroom, he tells Technoblade just how reasonable his reaction was _They didn't even hesitate, the option to exiled him was given and they just left it on the table, of course I started yelling, it was really fucked up Techno._ He tells him he had a fight with the president, how annoyed Dream was and how his "carelessness" and "selfishness" made him a threat to L'Manburg, so they kicked him out. _it's only fair to tell him_ , he thinks at the end of his explanation. 

Technoblade is quiet, he's just staring at Tommy as if he held the answer to everything, he's looking at Tommy as if he's an unsolvable puzzle, and Tommy can't help but squirm beneath his gaze. 

"What? aren't you going to say you were right? ' _Oh I'm the great Technoblade and I’m always right with my Greek Speeches and secret bases and hidden Withers'"_ the brunette finally ask, he sees red eyes turn neutral again at his _(excellent, his brain supplies)_ imitation, but he also sees pointy pink ears twitch and the tiniest move of his mouth. 

"I'm always right Tommy" Techno looks as if he wants to say something again but makes no further move of asking anything, he just keeps staring at Tommy. 

A couple seconds later, _though they felt like hours_ , the younger thinks, Techno stands up and takes the things on the table to wash, he thinks he can hear Techno mumble something on his way to the kitchen, but he's too far to understand anything. Tommy quietly sneaks back up stairs, going back to his room and laying down on the bed. 

it's hard to fall asleep, due to his loud thoughts and the paranoia of having a mortal enemy near chipping at his brain. Eventually though, his brain becomes too tired to think, and he falls on an uneasy sleep.

He doesn’t remember the dream in the morning, but he wakes up with the sound of screams and cries on his ears.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HALLO IT IS I  
> COMING BACK WITH ANOTHER CHP OF THIS  
> You guys should follow me on tumblr @supremekingofsalvation usually post analisies (how tf do you write that) od dsmp and a lot of other fandoms, i also posts updates about the fic!!  
> also HOLY SHIT I CHECKED THE STORY LAST NIGHT AND I HAD A 100 KUDOS????? WHAT?????  
> i spent a lot of time writing this because its not how i planned this was gonna go, i had a totally diffrent idea but i actually liked this soooooo
> 
> TWs:  
> -Panic attack  
> \- dissociation (kindaaaaaaa)  
> -Swearing  
> nothing to explicit but i thought i should put that, tell me if i should add something more
> 
> anyway, don't be afraid to comment or criticize me (always respectfully ofc) it'll help me improve :))  
> byeeeeeeeeee

The next morning, Tommy wakes up with his ears ringing and his mouth dry. The remnants of his nightmare still tugging the edge of his conscience, yet he can't seem to grab it. 

It takes him a moment to remember where he is, before the memories of what happened yesterday crash on him. Right, he founded Technoblade.

He gets up, hastily making the bed and gathers his things ( _thing, his mind corrects, it's just his bag),_ making his way out of the room. He looks out the window on the corridor, _it’s fucking noon already,_ maybe he has been neglecting sleeping.

Downstairs everything is clean, if it was Tommy's first time seeing the house, he would think the house is new and that no one lives here, who would have thought the great Blood God was a neat freak. He doesn't see Techno anywhere but he can hear footsteps and metal clinging outside, so he can guess where he is. 

He's planning on just leaving, buckling up and going beyond the snowy biome, looking for a place to stay, permanently. He stands on behind the door, his hand hesitating while he goes to turn the knob. Leaving would mean being alone and Tommy is _so fucking tired_ of being alone, but staying would mean staying with Techno, and the thought brings a certain amount of discomfort, everything is so tense between the two and Tommy can't deny that he's still mad at the older, he can't denied that it still hurts to know Techno betrayed him, _just how everyone does, just like Tubbo did, just like Wilb-_ , he stops thinking and grasps the door knob. 

_(Tommy ignores once again, the part of his brain that reminds him that Techno is still his brother, that staying with him would make him a bit happy, he never was as close to Techno as he was with Wilbur, but he always wanted to be, he still looks up to Technoblade, whether he likes it or not._

_He's getting really good at ignoring his brain.)_

He opens the door to see Techno standing over a little farm on the side of the house, his hair is tied up in a high ponytail and his sleeves are rolled up, Tommy notices he doesn't have his crown on. The pink haired man turns his face to look at him, he starts waking his way. 

"You're leaving?" he simply asks, and Tommy frowns because, _of course he's leaving, did Techno thought he would stay here forever?_ he can feel something similar to anger growing on his chest; he has noticed how quick he is to get angry after the betrayal of Wilb- after L'Manburg was blown up. 

"I am." he simply states, biting his tongue before he can say anything else. 

"Where to?" and Tommy is weak, he knows he can't control his temper, he knows he's angry and bitter and he shouldn't be taking it out on Techno who gave him a place to sleep and food and _didn't kill him the moment he saw him_ but he can't stop the venom that escapes his mouth. 

"Why do you care Technoblade? just let me leave, what if I answer you? huh? you're gonna follow me and destroy my home again?! you're gonna kill me again?!" Tommy knows he should stop talking now ( _Tommy realises he knows a lot of things, it doesn't mean he knows what to do when he has that knowledge),_ he should stop speaking in his angered state before he says something he will regret, the knowing doesn't stop his mouth from running. "You're gonna make me question why do I even keep going? even after everyone leaves and everyone lies and everyone _hates me?!_ Why don't I just stop? You're gonna come at me with another one of your shit stories about how no matter what I do I'll just keep getting pulled away? ABOUT HOW I'LL KEEP GETTING HURT?!"

Tommyinnit doesn't cry, so he doesn't know why his vision is blurry and his eyes sting and his cheeks are wet. His breathing’s heavy.

"Why everything I love is destroyed?" his voice is no more than a whisper now, his throat feels raw, _I must've been screaming_ , he thinks, he can't be really bothered by it. He tries to blink the blurriness away, he can feel his quick breaths and he tries to calm himself. It doesn't really work and the irregular breathing is starting to make him dizzy. For a moment, he doesn't know where he is; he's back at L'Manburg and he looks up and there's a podium and Tubbo is there and Big Q and _Schlatt's there_ , and then it's dark and he can hear voices echoing through the close walls and laughter and _Oh, that's Wilbur_ , he thinks as he watches his brother frantically walk around Pogtopia, and then he's at L'Manburg again and _Techno_ is there and Wilbur is nowhere around and then he hears explosion and he sees smoke and his vision is filled with white and there's just white and then there's light blue and _oh, that's snow_ , he vaguely thinks and he's back. He's still at Techno's house, his bag around his shoulders. He hears Techno coming closer, he thinks he can hear him saying something but it sounds muffled behind the ringing in his ears. 

His vision is still blurry but he can discern Technoblade's figure right before him, he sees him raise his hands and Tommy flinches so hard he loses balance. He's on the ground, he rubs his eyes, the blurriness finally gone, but he's still having difficulty breathing and he still can't hear anything. He sees Techno kneel in front of him, maybe in another timeline he would have laugh because the great Technoblade, the legendary Blood God who never dies and never bows is _kneeling in front of him_ , but the Tommy of this timeline couldn't care less because he can't breathe and he can't hear and his back is getting numb from the cold and _he can't breathe and–_

–and there's a weight on his shoulders, is not oppressive is just heavy, it's grounding him and he's being pulled forward, his forehead hits something and it's moving rhythmically and _that's Techno_ , his brain reminds him. The ringing is growing softer and he's still dizzy but he no longer feels like he's gonna throw up. 

"Tommy. Tommy, can you hear me? can you breathe with me?" Tommy can hear him speak this time, it's still muffled like he's underwater, but he understands enough to realise that he's still hyperventilating, so he tries matching his breathing with Techno's. 

In, 1, 2, 3, 4. Hold, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. Out, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.

It takes him many tries until he can't get his breathing under control. He doesn't know how long they stay like that, it's an odd position, they're both on the ground and Tommy's legs feel numb and his back hurts from curving forward, Techno still has his hands on Tommy's shoulders and his breathing is exaggerated, an attempt at making Tommy follow it, he realises. 

By the time Tommy can breathe normally and stand without a wave of dizziness hitting him, is way past the time Tommy planned on leaving. 

The older boy is supporting him, his arm around his shoulders, just in case Tommy starts feeling dizzy again. They start walking towards the house again, Techno leaves him sitting in front of the table and minutes later, he puts a mug in front of him. Tommy takes it quietly and sniffs it. After deeming it not poisoned, he takes a sip. The older boy sits in the chair across him. 

"You feeling better now?" Techno's voice feels warm, it's still monotonous and neutral and it's the same voice Tommy's heard a hundred times since he was little, but maybe that's the reason. Maybe familiarity is the thing that's making him feel better. However, he's still Tommy and he's still mad, so his voice comes firm and completely void of tone when he says, "I hate you"

Tommy looks up at Techno's eyes and he sees nothing, just like he saw nothing the day Technoblade spawn Withers in his home, "I know you do Tommy. However–" Techno stands up from his place, walking around the table and finally standing before Tommy–"I don't. I never have."

And Techno is still looking him in the eyes, so he knows for sure he can see Tommy's eyes shake, and he can see the sharp intake of air even if he didn't hear him do it. His shoulders go stiff and for a moment he forgets he still has a cup full of scolding tea, only remembering after he burns his hand, leaving it on the table. He stands up too, walking a couple steps backwards, he's not very fond of the idea of having Technoblade on his face. 

"You still destroyed my home and killed me" he says, voice tight and eyes narrowed. 

Techno keeps staring at him, like he's trying to find something. "Tommy I didn't destroyed your country because I hated you"

Tommy rolls his eyes, “Yeah, you destroyed it because you hate the government, whatever.” Technoblade sighs again and his shoulders slump. For the first time, Tommy thinks Technoblade looks old, don’t get him wrong, he knows Techno is a couple years older than him and everyone a couple years older than him looks old to Tommy, but Techno also looks tired, like he has explained this a hundred times already and knows he’s going to explain it a hundred more. “Yes Tommy, I’m an anarchist, I do hate the government, but that’s not the only reason”

Tommy looks at him, expectantly. “I wanted peace Tommy and you know what has happened every time you guys make a new government. War.”

And well, Tommy really can’t argue with that, becuase it’s true, but still “That didn’t gave you the right to destroy my home” he says, he knows it’s stupid, it feels like he’s trying to force an apology out of Techno, but he just wants to know why, why did Techno thought killing everyone and blowing L’Manburg up was the best option.

Techno takes a step towards Tommy. “It didn’t” he agrees, he’s looking directly into Tommy’s eyes and it sends a shiver down his spine, he suppresses it, obviously, but it’s still terrifying the reaction Techno can get out of Tommy. “But what else was I supposed to do? ask you nicely to stop having a government? Anyway, I was right, this government was about to start a war and they did exile you.”

Techno says it so normally, like he’s talking about the weather, like he doesn’t see the knife that stabs into Tommy’s heart. However, Tommy knows he’s right, Technoblade did warn him, Technoblade knew this was gonna happen and warned him. “Tommy, you risked everything for that country, I know how many times you’ve died building and fighting for that nation, and yet.” He stops talking, but Tommy can hear the finishing sentence in his ears. They stand in the middle of the room, just staring at each other.

Tommy is starting to think that maybe it’s better this way, maybe Tubbo exiling him will be actually good for L’Manburg, maybe now that they don’t have a liability in the cabinet, maybe now that Dream is happy, maybe now that he can’t gets his discs back, maybe now that Tubbo doesn’t have to stand him, _maybe now that Wilbur is dead-_ , Tommy’s vision is starting to become blurry again, he blinks furiously and looks away from Techno.

Tommy is so tired of fighting, tired of being left behind, tired of people underestimating him, tired of the lies and betrayal and sacrifice and deaths.

Tommy is _so tired_ and he wants it to stop, he wants his family and his friends and his home back.

Tommy knows the world doesn’t care what he wants. He closes his eyes and sighs, maybe tomorrow he’ll find an actual home, he could try getting new discs? ( _his heart hurts at the idea of replacing Cat, Mellohi and Blocks)_.

 _You could stay,_ he thinks, _you wouldn’t be alone that way,_ he really doesn’t want to analyze what that idea says about his goals. He looks at Techno again, he’s still staring at him, Technoblade is a god and a warrior and a fighter. 

Technoblade is still his brother, he doesn’t think he could stand losing another one of those.

"Go to sleep Tommy" Techno finally says, he sighs while looking at him. Tommy wants to argue, tell him he should leave and find a home, it's late but still too early to go to sleep, he should keep moving, _get away from him_ _,_ but he's too tired, and his back is still kinda numb from the cold and Techno looks like he would drag him and settle him in bed by his ears if he refuses, "Okay" he says quietly, brushing Technoblade's arm with his on his way upstairs.

He's sitting on the edge of the bed when the thought comes at him again, leaving would mean being alone and Tommy doesn't want to be alone, not again and, Techno still cares about him, he thinks so at least. He _could_ try staying here a few days. 

That night he dreams of wooden swords and high pitched laughter on a forgotten home and his vision is just filled with pink. He thinks he doesn't care that much. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi?  
> this is like two days late and i have no excuses.  
> YO IT'S SO DIFFICULT TO WRITE PHIL'S CHARACTER cuz like, everyone pictures him as like a loving rEsPoNsIbLe father, when truly he just let's his sons destroy everything all the time while he laughs in the background  
> so anyway Tommy's last stream gave me so much motivation TOMMY AND TECHNO ARE PEAK CHAOTIC BROTHERS ENERGY AND U CAN'T CHANGE MY MIND  
> anyway here it is, hope you enjoy, remembre you can comment and criticize me (repectfully ofc) it'll help me improve :))  
> byeeeeeeee

Tommy wants to burn something. 

The feeling is not new, It's not the first time he gets the unexplainable urge to steal or destroy or just cause trouble in general. it's never like this though. 

The blonde has been feeling numb since yesterday, after the talk with Techno. Today, the numbness has melted away, leaving only bright burning rage, he feels furious at L'Manburg and at Tubbo and at Quackity and at Wilbur. 

Tommy hasn't been able– hasn't been allowed to _feel_ anything for a very long time. He's been forced to bottle everything up, his urge to get his discs back, the urge to fight someone, to destroy something, to squash down the sadness and push away the fury. it's not a surprise he had gotten so angry at the festival, of course it was because Technoblade had killed Tubbo, but it was mixed with the boiling-red rage that the election results made him felt, being banished from his motherland and the amounts of stress dealing with Wilbur had put him under. 

Tommy gets that now, after nights of feeling inexplicably sad and his tendency of snapping to everyone because of anything. Numerous nights of thinking made him understand; the bottle was getting too full, it was going to explode at some point. 

He wants to scream at Dream for even starting this, he wants to punch him, wants to destroy anything he cares about. 

Tommy's usual anger is warm and it stings, making his voice shaky and his hands tremble with the urge to do something. This fury is different, he still has the urge to punch someone, but it's like the glass has overflowed so much that now the whole place is just filled with water. He's drowning, he doesn't have the space to scream, he doesn't have anything to destroy, he doesn't have anyone to fight, so now he's just calm. 

Tommy doesn't like this calm. 

He's been staring at the ceiling for far too long, he decides, and swings his legs out of the bed. He doesn't know what time it is, he hasn't been sleeping a lot recently, but he did go to bed far too early yesterday so he thinks it can't be that late. Anyway, he doesn't bother in being quiet as he opens the door and goes downstairs, Technoblade never really sleeps. 

He stops on the stairs when he hears laughter. Techno is laughing, _that's so weird_ , he thinks, it's a full on laugh not just the usual snorts he makes, Tommy thinks he's never heard him laugh like that before. His thoughts are interrupted when he recognizes the other voice who is also laughing with Techno, it's warm and soft and it feels like he's letting out every emotion through his mouth. 

And, _and that's Phil,_ his brain points out, as if Tommy could forget the voice of his childhood, the first person who was willing to take him in. The first person who taught him love. 

He resumes his way down the stairs, carefully trying to not be so loud, but the eagerness on his steps could be sensed a mile away. 

"Phil!" he shouts the moment he sees him, he's sitting on the table of the kitchen, across him is Techno, they're both drinking something and they both look at him when he yells. Phil's eyes go soft and warm and his voice feels like a hug when he speaks. 

"Hey Tommy" he stands up from his chair and opens his arms. The scene is too familiar and Tommy's smile covers his whole face while he stumbles into Phil's embrace. 

_Holy shit,_ he thinks, "Holy shit" he says, he's missed him, Philza came on the SMP a while ago, but with everything that was going on he hadn't had the chance to really talk with him. 

Tommy feels light. This hug reminds him of before. It reminds him of his life before Dream, on that big house Phil probably still owns, reminds him of Wilbur's hugs and his voice whenever he sang, it reminds him of Techno's laugh, the high pitched wheezes he would let our whenever Tommy fell while training, it reminds him of the warm of the setting Sun on his face while he and Tubbo listened to Blocks and of a birch bench. Tommy feels heavy, because he knows he can't go back to what it reminds him of. 

So he stays, he clings to Phil's cape and he suppresses the sob that comes up his throat. That's a thing he realized recently, whenever a situation gets even a little overwhelming, his emotions tend to… spike. He gets angry much more quickly and he’s a lot faster to cry. 

So he blames his repressed emotions when his shoulders start shaking and he squeezes Phil tighter, his throat closing up as he tries to take a deep breath. 

"Phil I–" a hiccup interrupts him and he tries again, "I missed you" he can feel Phil's breathing and his heartbeat. He thinks is a little stupid, but he finds comfort on hearing it. 

He feels Phil let out a little laugh, “I missed you too, Tommy” He grabs his shoulders and pulls away to look at him. “I’m sorry I couldn’t help you with the whole- '' Phil stops talking in favor of looking at him with worried eyes and a concerned frown. It warms Tommy’s heart and he smiles at him.

_(Tommy pretends Phil is the same as he always was, pretends he never sees the underlying sadness he always has on his eyes since the war, pretends Phil’s shoulders arent always tense, as if he’s responsible for everything, as if he carries the world on them)_

“It’s okay, I don’t think you could’ve done anything, anyway” Phil eases his frown, but the worry is still there. Phil looks like he still wants to say more about it, but ultimately decides against it.

They spend the rest of the day talking between the three, they check Techno’s bee farm and Techno lets him pet Carl, they empty the turtle's chest and then Philza lets him light a fire on the fireplace. They spent and hour or so brewing potions, _Drugs,_ Tommy had corrected everytime, ignoring Techno's annoyed sighs and beaming under Phil's laughs. He stole a stack of gapples when Techno wasn't looking and then he bolted out of the house. Techno catched him the moment he saw him open the doors, holding him by his shirt's collar on the air until Tommy returned the golden apples.

Tommy ignores the sadness that comes to him when Phil explains he needs to go back to L’Manburg. They hug each other, once more, and Phil whispers to him he’ll be back. Standing on the snow, waving to him, the sun setting on the horizon, he thinks it was a pretty good day.

Techno and him go back inside and Tommy can’t help but feel awkward, he hasn’t tried to talk to him all day, it was mostly Phil pulling him both on conversations. Tommy is sitting on the floor, a couple of meters away from the fire. Techno’s also on the floor, against the wall across from him.

“Do you miss him?” He blurts out before he can think. He immediately tenses, he didn’t mean to ask that. Techno answers anyway, he doesn’t need to explain who he’s talking about.

“I do” His voice is firm, betraying nothing, “Do you?” This time though, Techno’s voice is almost a whisper. He doesn’t want to answer, doesn’t want to talk about countless nights of stressing himself out, hoping Wilbur would reconsider his plans, the moments he’d spent thinking maybe it was his fault, maybe he could’ve done more. Ignoring the loss and pain.

“All the time” he simply says.

The silence feels suffocating, Tommy feels hot, like the fire on the fireplace is moving towards him, slowly touching him, slowly choking him. 

"I'm sorry" Techno's voice cuts through the silence and Tommy whips his head so fast he thinks he breaks his neck, because Techno never apologize, his confusion must be evident on his face because Techno continues, "I'm not sorry for destroying your country and tearing down the government, I was completely right about that." Techno sighs while looking at him. 

Tommy always thought of Techno as a wall. Big, tall, sturdy wall, It’s so hard to read him, his voice is monotonous, his eyes are blank, posture betraying nothing and he's always there, standing tall. Tommy can count on one hand the amount of times he's been able to read Technoblade through his whole life. 

And yet, Techno's shoulders are slumped, back against the wood wall, his eyes are soft, almost warm. His voice comes almost gentle when he talks, "But I was wrong about you, when I called you a hero" Tommy feels the shaky breath that leaves his mouth before he realizes he's doing it. Techno doesn't stop. "You aren't, you don't fight because of that. You just wanted a home, I realize that now; and I'm sorry I couldn't give you one."

Tommy wants to cry because it's not _fair_ , Techno doesn't get to destroy his country and then give him shelter and food and tell him everything he needs to hear, _that's just not fucking fair_. His eyes are blurry again and he can't help but mutter a little "Shit", rubbing his eyes with his sleeve. 

He hears Techno move, but he's too busy trying to stop the tears to look up. Only doing it when he feels a hand on his shoulder, the older boy is now sitting next to him, his eyes look worried. "Fuck you, you bitch.” he chokes out before shutting up, too scared of hearing a sob if he opens his mouth, but Techno's hands tug on his shoulder until his head falls against the other's arms, and he lets it happen, so he guesses the trying to keep his dignity thing doesn't matter anymore. 

He stays there, choking back sobs and tears, head laying on Techno's arm, quietly looking at the fire until he inevitably falls asleep. 

The silence doesn't feel as suffocating anymore. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAT EVEN IS LIFE RIGHT NOW i am unbelievably tired rn  
> anyways here?????  
> i don't thinks there are any tw but please correct me if im wrong  
> Hey, Follow me on [Tumblr](https://supremekingofsalvation.tumblr.com/)!!!  
> i post updates of the fic and just shitpost because dream smp brain-rot yknow  
> please tell me what you thik of this.  
> ALSO 400 KUDOS??? WHY ARE THERE SO MANY OF YOU??? TY!!  
> don't forget you can comment aand talk to me! :)  
> anyway byyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

He wakes up in his bed and doesn't remember how he even got there. 

He realises his clothes are different too. Techno took the time to change him before he got him in bed, he assumes. His clothes are different too, he’s wearing a white long shirt with long sleeves and tight cuffs, similar to the one Techno wears. His old baggy pants have been replaced with slightly tighter white trousers. A red sash around his waist and black socks. 

He stands up from his sitting position on the bed and checks the whole outfit. He sees a pair of tall brown boots with red details on the floor and a tight blue jacket with silver buttons on the edge of the bed, there’s a red cape next to the jacket. He puts on the rest of the clothes. In difference to Techno’s cape, Tommy’s cape goes over his left shoulder and has a gold shoulder pad that’s tied with the cape by a gold thread that goes in the right shoulder. It’s also not as long, Techno’s cape is so long it almost touches the floor, Tommy’s goes barely past his shoulders and has a fluffy white outline.

He really likes his new clothes. He pretends it’s just because he looks amazing, not because Phil and Techno have similar outfits.

Yesterday’s memories don’t hit him like usual. It usually crashes on him, all at once, today he remembers slowly and quietly. Almost as if he’s living them again.

He pretends the warm feeling in his chest is because of the new clothes and it has nothing to do with Technoblade, at all. 

When he's downstairs he sees Techno walking around the room, organizing chests, he supposes when he sees him open them one by one, taking things from one and putting them on another one. 

"Hey Techno" He says and Techno turns around from the chest on the wall to see him. 

"Hey Tommy, how are you?" 

"I'm–" _fine_ , is his automatic response, but he stops, because he's not fine, is he? he's too tired, and too angry, and too bitter, and too sad to be fine "I'm better" he settles with, which isn't a complete a lie, he does feel better, what's with the whole new outfit and being out of a place where no one listens and being around his family. 

Techno seems satisfied with that answer, If the way the corner of his mouth quirks up and the look that crosses his eyes mean anything. 

The older boy goes back to organising his chests and they don't speak again, Tommy sits in the main room, basking in the silence and just thinking. They stay like that for a long time, until Techno speaks. 

"Hey, I need to get some things from the village, wanna come with me?" he says, shifting his cape to a more comfortable position and looking at Tommy expectantly. 

"Sure" he answers, a little smile playing on his lips. 

They take the emeralds and pack their weapons just in case, Tommy takes his bag and puts away what he had inside for more space. They go out of the house and start walking towards the village. 

"You can give me one now, you know." Tommy blurts out before he even knows he's talking. His face heats up with embarrassment when Techno turns to look at him in confusion. He takes a deep breath before he speaks again, but he still can't help but stutter "a… a home, I mean."

The confusion on Techno's eyes melt away to give space to warmth. For the first time in a long while, Tommy sees Technoblade smile, a genuine happy smile and he can't help but smile too, tension he didn't even know he had slipping away from his shoulders when he hears Techno hum in agreement. 

They don't talk for the rest of their time out, Techno's trading with the villagers and Tommy is keeping the goods in his bag. They stay there for about an hour and Tommy feels _satisfied_ , he feels like he's doing _something_ right, he hasn't felt like that in a long time. 

They're still mostly in silence on their way back to the house, except for Tommy sometimes pointing something out or asking questions that get vaguely ominous answers because 'Techno, smirking at me when I ask you what are we doing later, is not an actual answer'. 

When they're a couple of meters away, they see a person on the door. On closer inspection they realize it's Phil, who's knocking with a mildly worried look. 

Tommy whistles, loud and really high-pitched and Phil turns around instantly, relaxing when he caughts sight of Tommy, "Hey Big P, over here!" he screams while running towards Phil, crashing on him with a hug. 

It's still warm and it still reminds him of before. They don't say anything, but Tommy can hear the meaning behind it, loud and clear. "I came back" it screams, "just like I promised"

"Hello boys" Phil greets once he pulls away from Tommy. The blond one can sense the joy in his voice when he sees them together. 

They enter the house together and they talk about anything while they watch the fire. 

A little later, they sit on the table to eat and Tommy can't help but ask. 

"How's everyone on L'Manburg?" _How's Tubbo?_ is what he wants to ask, but he's not sure he wants to hear the answer. 

“They’re fine, Ranboo was worried about you” it stung, if Tommy was being honest, surely everyone else was also worried, right? surely they miss him

...Right?

 _Maybe they're happier now,_ a part of his mind tells him, _they must be so relieved now that they don’t have a child bothering all the time._

_(“The discs don’t matter Tommy” he had screamed “Why can’t you understand that?” his voice had gone softer, like Tommy was a kid, and he had to make him understand._

_“Selfish” he had said, and it really wasn’t fair, Tommy has put L’Manburg before everything else all the time, but Tubbo was saying it so it must have been true._

_“I’m sorry, Tommy” he had said, but his voice was cold and he was making no move to help him, just staring with blue eyes from the obsidian walls.)_

He shakes the thoughts, it wasn’t worth thinking about it, Tubbo wasn’t here, he wasn’t in L’Manburg anymore and he wasn’t going to go back.

“Ranboo?” Tommy asks, he kinda misses him too.

“Yeah, he said he wished he could've helped you, ‘paying a debt’ he called it”

Tommy made a hum of understanding, nodding slightly. He didn’t ask anything else after that, just followed Techno’s and Phil’s conversation, interrupting every now and then to add his thoughts. They started cleaning up the table, Phil stood up, Tommy following behind him.

“I think Niki was planning on getting a cat.” Phil said conversationally.

“Oh, I know another word for cat.” Tommy said, loudly laughing after hearing Phil’s snort at the now overly-used joke. The blonde bumped his fist on Phil’s shoulder from behind.

Tommy knows he's not that strong, so it really doesn't make sense when Phil flinches so violently from the gesture, anyone might've thought he was being burned alive. 

"Phil? you okay?" he asks hesitantly. 

"Yeah, it's just my wings" Tommy thinks Phil didn't mean to say that, because his eyes turned panicked and he's looking anywhere but at them. 

"Your wings? what's wrong with your wings?" Techno asks, his tone is softer and calm, a tone Tommy has come to think as 'The Phil Tone', it's the way Techno speaks whenever Phil's near, but it's still firm and almost accusing. 

"Well–" Phil starts, he looks hesitant but Techno's pointed look and Tommy's incessant staring seem too coax an answer out of him– "You know flying is prohibited on the SMP and I'm still, technically, a citizen of L'Manburg" he stops and Tommy sees him taking a shaky breath, he nods encouragingly his way. "Dream thought a verbal or written agreement wasn't enough to keep me from using my wings and so he–" Phil presses his mouth on a thin line and frowns. 

Tommy's worried, he knows what Dream is capable of. 

"Phil, show me your wings" he sees firmly, it's not a question. Techno just looks at Phil while he shrugs off his coat. 

And Tommy wants to burn _someone_ , he thinks, because Phil's wings are the same mighty sight they have always been, they're big and they shine a beautiful silver and they remind Tommy of the whines and pouts because he wanted to go out and fly with Phil and of the rare nights his dad let him pet his wings and evenings when Wilbur teached him how to comb his hands through the feathers without hurting Phil. 

Except they _don't_ , because Phil's wings are trembling and they don't go past the line of his shoulders and _his wings are clipped_ and they don't shine, they're covered in dirt and some of their feathers are bent and the part of his back where his wings start looks almost as if it was _burned and-_

Tommy feels himself scowl and his fists tightening. Phil is looking down and he's hunched on himself, like he's cowering, like he's _ashamed_. 

_(Phil used to look like he could rule the world.)_

A hand falls down on his shoulder and he looks up to Techno. He would've scream at his neutral face, scream that he should do something, scream he should feel something. Tommy would've screamed if he didn't see the cold anger growing on Techno's eyes, if he couldn't sense the menacing dark aura that only seemed to grow by the second, if he didn't see Techno's jaw tightening up. 

“For how long have they been like this?” Tommy chokes out.

“Since I got on the server” Phil’s voice is almost a whisper. Suddenly, Tommy can’t breath, because that was _months_ ago. Techno’s hand tightens around his shoulder.

Technoblade and Tommyinnit might've hated each other for a long time, but they would have happily made up if it meant killing whoever made their dad look like _that._

“Phil,” the pink-haired boy simply says, voice betraying nothing. “look up.” Phil does exactly that, he’s still frowning, but he looks directly at Techno’s eyes. “I’ve been thinking, I think it's about time the Antarctic Empire rises again” Phil’s eyes widen at the statement “This kind of act could be taken as a war crime” Tommy sees Techno smirk, eyes going wild, if he didn’t know better he would've thought they were glowing.

Techno drops the hand that was on Tommy’s shoulder and starts walking towards an Enderchest on the side of the fireplace, he opens it and takes out two things. He walks back until he’s in front of Phil and extends an arm, showing a white crown with blue gems on it. Phil’s staring at it, eyes still wide, eyebrows raised, he looks up when Techno speaks, “What do you say?”

Phil is silent, gaping and staring at Techno. A moment later, he’s smiling and extending his hand to take the crown.

Techno turns around and is now looking at him. Tommy shifts a little under his gaze but doesn’t look away. Techno extends his arm again, this time, the crown is light blue, it’s a little smaller than Techno’s and Phil’s, he takes it and raises it to his eyes, you can look through it, he realises, almost as if it’s made of _ice_.

“This is _sick”_ he says and he puts it on, beaming at the other two.

Phil beams back at him and Techno smiles, fangs showing and ears tilting up. 

He thinks everything might just be okay.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _You may feel no purpose  
>  Nor a point for existing  
> It's all just conjecture and gloom  
> And there may not be meaning  
> So find one and seize it  
> Do not waste your self on this roof_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> clingy duo angst clingy duo angstclingy duo angstclingy duo angstclingy duo angstclingy duo angstclingy duo angstclingy duo angstclingy duo angst clingy-anyways hi  
> yes  
> this?? i don't know  
> Hey! Follow me on [Tumblr](http://supremekingofsalvation.tumblr.com/)  
> hope you enjoy byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

_ This is it,  _ Tommy thinks,  _ I'm going to die.  _

He looks around and sees nothing. 

He can't breathe, he tried moments ago and realised he was underwater. 

He can't move, he tried moments ago and he didn't move even an inch. 

He can't remember how he got here, he tried moments ago and his head started to hurt. 

He's going to  _ die.  _

He's going to die and he will never get his discs back, he will never say goodbye to Technoblade, he will never hug Phil again, he will never see L'Manburg again. 

_ He's going to die.  _

He closes his eyes and resigns himself to be there, time seems to drag on and on. 

Suddenly, it isn't dark anymore, a bright light fills the space around him and he's being pulled up, and up,  _ and up _ , and he breaks through the surface of the water. He's freezing and coughing now that he can breath, trying to expel the water from his lungs, his clothes are heavy. 

He finally opens his eyes and takes on the scene around him. He's sitting on ice, snow on the ground, Techno's house in the background and it looks like the sky is about to hit the sunrise. Technoblade is at his side, looking soaked himself, eyes bearing a panicked gleam and a hand on Tommy's shoulder. Tommy sees his mouth move, but his ears are clogged and whatever he's saying sounds muffled and unintelligible. 

He brings his hands to his ears, trying to make them work, he sees Techno's mouth stop, seemingly understanding he can't hear him and waits. 

After a couple minutes Tommy hears the rush of the wind and the sound of the mobs hiding in the forest. His throat feels dry. 

"Hey, Techno" he croaks out while turning to him, Techno's eyes widen in disbelief. 

" _ What the fuck, Tommy" _ he can count on one hand the amount of times Techno has sweared, so it surprises him to hear him display emotions so openly. "I heard the door shut itself at like  _ 4 a.m _ , do you know how worried I was when I couldn't find you in your room?" Techno scowls and then sighs, he stands up, extending a hand to Tommy. "Come on, let's get you inside"

Tommy shivers while standing and all the way to the house, they weren't that far away, but for Tommy it felt like forever. 

When they get inside Techno leaves him sitting on a chair and leaves for the kitchen, coming back minutes later and dropping a steaming cup of hot chocolate in front of him, then he moves to the fireplace and lights it. Tommy doesn't need to be told anything, just starts sipping the cup, basking in the warm melting the cold of his skin.

"What was that?" Techno says after a bit of letting Tommy get warm. "I really don't know" he answers because it's true, it's not the first time he's dreamt about drowning, but it's the first time  _ it actually happens _ . 

"So what, you just sleep-walked out of the house into a freezing lake and almost drowned yourself?" Tommy knows Techno doesn't actually means that as a question, but "I think so, yeah"

Techno's mouth clicks shut and just stares at Tommy, looks at his eyes. "Has this happened before?" Tommy's gaping, mouth twisting on unsaid answers, he shuts it. He nods, but is quick to explain when he sees Techno's tense frame "Only on dreams though, I've never…" he trails off, Techno understands anyway.

"Since when have you had these dreams?"

Tommy doesn't answer, just leaves the cup on the table and stares at his feet, " _ Tommy" _ Techno repeats exasperated, almost as if desperate. 

"Since Schlatt banished me" he whispers, immediately tensing when Techno stays silent. 

At first the water wasn't as dark, the dreams weren't as long, it wasn't until Wilbur died that he started being unable to see, started thinking he'd drown, his time in that space seemed to drag longer as the nights went by. 

He looks up when Techno doesn't speak after minutes, to find him looking at him, mouth clenched shut, frowning and eyes narrowed. 

"it's okay, just go back to your room, I'll wake you up in a couple hours" Tommy stands up and hears Techno lock the doors this time, he hears him sigh while going upstairs. 

He laids in the bed and shuts his eyes to try to sleep, he finds that he can't, his throat closing everytime and he starts feeling fidgety, so he stares at the ceiling and listens to Techno move below him. 

He's still awake when 3 hours later Technoblade comes knocking on his door. 

"Get up Toms, Phil will probably be here in a while"

He gets up at the mention of his dad, smiling while he opens the door. 

He goes down with Techno and they just spent the morning doing nothing, well,  _ Tommy _ does nothing, Techno spends the morning tending to his potatoes and organising a bunch of glowing books that Tommy found weren't there earlier. 

Nearing midday, Phil arrives and they eat together. Techno and Tommy say nothing about the morning incident. 

Phil updates them on how things are going on in L'Manburg, tells them Dream has been going around a lot more often, he's been speaking to the L'Manburg Cabinet, Phil also mentions how numb Tubbo looks lately. 

Tommy freezes. 

"He's been… almost invisible, emotionless, he's still always there, but it's mostly Fundy and Quackity who talk with other people" Phil says, Tommy stays quiet through the rest of lunch after that. 

Techno seemed to pick up his changed mood after his silence and took him to check on the bees while Phil cleaned the table. 

He felt calm surrounded by the insects around him, Techno's presence comforting behind him. When they enter the house again, is with a little smile playing on his lips. 

"You feeling okay, Tommy?" Phil asks when he sees them on the door. 

"Of course, Big P, I'm a Big Man, I don't get sad" Tommy sees Techno opens his mouth to answer and hears Phil snort "Nope, Techno I am the Biggest Man, shut up, you can't say anything" Phil laughs and Techno smirks. 

He feels happy, truly happy, like he hasn't felt in a long time, it takes him to the beginnings, when his house was just a dirt shack on the side of a mountain and L'Manburg was just a drug empire and he spent his days pranking Tubbo and burning things. 

The thought has been nagging at his brain ever since Techno found him, he really thinks this is the best course of action. 

"L'Manburg–" he takes a shaky breath when Phil and Techno turn to look at him, he frowns, steeling himself for what he's about to say–"L'Manburg has been an… unfinished symphony for far too long and it will keep being incomplete for as long as there are people in power there" he looks at both of them straight in the eyes when he continues, determination shining on his gaze. "I think it would be best if we just burn the sheet altogether"

At his words, Phil's eyes widened and Techno goes stiff, mouth slightly ajar.

"You- you mean you want to–" Phil cut himself off, he didn't need to finish the question for Tommy to answer with a determined nod. Phil walked forward and pressed his hands on both of Tommys shoulders as his eyes started scanning his face, as if looking for any hint of hesitation. Finally, Phil's frame dropped the tension it had and engulfed Tommy in a hug, which he returned almost immediately, his head on Phil's shoulder. 

He saw Techno's stiff figure still standing behind them, looking at Tommy, the older boy raised an eyebrow in a silent question, jaw tight and swallowing hard. Tommy answered by narrowing his eyes and frowning in certainty while slightly nodding, smiling when Techno relaxed. 

"Well then," Techno says after Phil and Tommy break apart. "I think we have a revolution to plan"

The preparations only take one day, Techno already had a bunch of Wither skulls and soul sand  _ (Tommy had to leave the room when the older show them to Phil),  _ they brewed more potions and Techno gave him a full set of netherite armor, Phil already had one. They spent the rest of the day mining on the Nether to get enough netherite for Tommy's weapons. Phil showed him how to properly enchant a sword and Techno went up to him when he was trying on his helmet. 

"Put this on your helmet" he said while handing Tommy a glowing book. The blonde boy took it and started flipping it's pages, a language he didn't understand tattooed on ink. "What is it?" he asked curiously, Techno stayed silent and Tommy casted his eyes up until he was looking at the older boy. 

"Respiration" he said, through gritting teeth, before turning around to keep crafting fireworks and sharpening his sword with Phil. 

It warmed his chest, to know what Techno had been doing since he pulled him up from the lake, he stayed up looking for this enchanted book, to make Tommy feel safe. He smiled, turning around to an anvil. 

Phil stayed with them that night.

They planned on going to L'Manburg in the morning, just when the sun is rising, not leaving anyone time to prepare. 

He's on his bed again, he's restless, fidgety, he gets up and gets out of his room, knocks on the door of the next room, Phil's room. Phil opens and looks like he also hasn't been able to sleep, Tommy turns around and the older follows, they reach Techno's room at the beginning of the hall and they knock. Techno opens and looks exactly the same as he always looks, Tommy figures The Blade just doesn't sleep. 

"Just L'Manburg" Tommy says, it's a whisper, but he's sure the other too heard it, "Just L'Manburg, just the government, we are not killing anyone" Techno raises an eyebrow "okay, maybe killing Dream" Techno smiles. Tommy looks at him expectantly, Techno gives an annoyed sigh but nods, and Phil smiles his way, nodding along. 

Tommy smiles at them and goes back to his room, this time he lays down calmly and falls asleep. 

He's woken up by Phil, who's sitting at the edge of his bed and softly telling him to wake up. 

"Let's go Tommy, we don't wanna be late" he says when he sees Tommy's eyes open, then he leaves the room. 

Tommy stands up and puts on his whole new outfit, he takes the ice crown and simply looks at it. It's almost transparent, the light catching on it, it looks like it's glowing, the tines of the crown have white jewels on the point. They remind Tommy of the snow around the house, they remind him of his new home. 

He puts on the crown and walks downstairs. 

Techno and Phil are waiting for him. The pink haired boy gives him a stack of golden apples and a couple of potions and tells him to put on his armor. They are both already prepared and they wait for him at the door. 

The walk to the Nether portal is quiet, Tommy is tense, the weight of what they're about to do hanging on his head. 

When they reach L'Manburg they split, knowing exactly what to do. Techno starts building the Wither stands, leaving one head out, Phil litters TNT on different parts of the town and Tommy is in charge of spilling lava on the water below L'Manburg, effectively turning it into cobblestone. They regrouped on a mountain behind the town, checking everything was in order and, finally, Techno spawned the Withers. 

Tommy feels like he's having a deja vu, the monsters roaming on the skies of L'Manburg starts to destroy, their explosions igniting the TNT, the sounds wake everyone up, they see people leaving their houses and looking around to find their home being destroyed. 

The L’Manburg citizens run. 

Tommy's eyes zeroed on one house in particular, Tubbo's door opens and Tommy sees him look around panicked. Tubbo's eyes finally land on Tommy, Techno and Phil and he freezes. 

Tommy is close enough to see his mouth move but far enough to not hear what he says. He starts walking despite himself. Tubbo's eyes follow him. 

He stands before him and ignores the way his heart squeezes at the sight of his friend. 

"Tommy" Tubbo whispers, "I thought- I thought you were dead or- or–" the brunette clicks his mouth shut when Tommy moves his hands to grip his weapon. 

He looks at his eyes and tightens the hold on his sword, he tells himself it's because of his fury, not because his hands are shaking. 

He raises the blade and points it at Tubbo's neck, he watches him swallow hard, watches his shoulders stiffen and hands tremble. 

He looks at his eyes and tries to imagine the cold stare and the pain on his chest and words that cutted his heart like the sharpest sword, and he fails. Instead he just sees a sunset and hears a melody and feels wood in his hands and sees a pair of eyes that are just so full with  _ fear _ . 

"I can't kill you, Tubbo" he chokes out despite his closing throat, on a swift movement he drags the sword back, points the tip to the ground, raises his arm and then let's it fall. 

The sword stabs on the wooden ground, the sound is deafening on the raging silence. 

Tommy feels his throat tighten, it makes him want to cry, "You know I can't kill you" he presses his mouth on a thin line, effectively choking down a sob, he blinks the tears away. "But- but you  _ have _ to understand,  _ you killed me _ "

He sees Tubbo's eyes glaze, face twisting in pain, he knows he's trying not to cry too. 

He continues anyway. 

"You killed me the day you even thought about exiling me, you killed me the day you thought I wouldn't give my life for you, you killed me the day you thought I was a traitor,  _ you killed me– _ " he stops, a whimper breaking out of his lips, bringing a hand to his chest, right above his heart, he ignores the way Tubbo is crying, he ignores the way  _ he's _ crying. 

"You  _ killed me Tubbo _ , the day you stopped  _ trusting me _ " he doesn't care his voice is breaking, doesn't care his vision is blurry, doesn't care his chest hurts, doesn't care he only wants to run and hug Tubbo until he dies,  _ he doesn't care _ . "So I'm the person you thought I was, I've become the person you wanted, I'm a soldier, I'm selfish, I'm useful, I'm a traitor,  _ aren't you happy, Tubbo?" _ with that final sentence he turns around and leaves the house, watches the destruction around him, pretends he doesn't hear the thud of someone falling to the floor behind him, ignores the way his ears ring with wails of a voice he loves. 

He reaches Phil and Techno that are standing on a mountain, waiting for him. They don't say anything when they see him, don't say anything about the way he's carrying himself, don't point out the red-rimmed eyes or the tear tracks on his cheeks. And if on the way home he starts sobbing and crying uncontrollably, begging for a presence no longer there, for a friend that doesn't want him, then they don't say anything either, just press a hand on each of his shoulders. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the clingy duo scene is one of the first i had wrote and was just sitting on my notes for a while, this chapter didn't look as good as i wanted, i may come back in a few and rewrite some parts, tell me if there are any typos or anything :)


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